A new season begins, time to let bygones be bygones.
Lately, I’m always five minutes away from wanting sex. It’s like I’m a robot. Push the right buttons; functions happen. With myself, it takes no romance, no pizazz, no lead in and works every time. I’m like microwavable food, instant and ready to be served.
During this harsh winter, I made orgasms the new cigarette. They too are the perfect little break you can take throughout the day and get you back at your desk refreshed in minutes. Plus, with spring on the way, it’s like taking steroids for mating season. Unfortunately, the side effects have also made me easily aggressive if I’m not diligent with continual dosage. The other day, walking down the street, I felt compelled to shove ugly entitled tourists into the sewer that ignorantly and arrogantly clogged up the sidewalks. I didn’t, but WTF? Why don’t they get they don’t own the street and if the walkway is three feet wide and they are three feet wide, realize it just doesn’t add up to stand there all stupid? Plus, they’re tacky, gross and rude.
Of course, with that attitude, it’s no wonder I’ve grown a strong affection for inanimate objects. On one hand, it’s efficient and on the other, it’s empty. After all, I am human… It’s miserable, just miserable I tell you. Thank god spring is here, winter exhausts me.