"If it doesn't fit, you must acquit."
No matter how much emotion you feel or what the past might have made you thought was the equation, what you have in your hands now is the only evidence you've got to know what is up and go forward. So, get real and preen down the subjective, to focus on your objective, as the only way to get to the heart of matters that are taking up your brain space is to see what pieces fit together and which you are trying to jam into position. You'll have the best clarity now to get it together, so look and learn.