Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Mercury Enters Capricorn

Are You Serious?

Mercury in Capricorn is no fucking around. Fact over fiction and order in the court 24-7. To keep semblance of sanity, dose with laughter as necessary.

Nastasha Leggero Coke Money

Anjelah Johnson  (Taurus)

Miss Swan (Alex Borstein Aquarius)

Lisa Lampanelli (Cancer)

Amy Schumer (Gemini)

Whitney Cummings (Virgo)

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Uranus Goes Direct in Aries

Rebel With A Cause

Uranus is back in action in full speed absurd mode, cruising at the altitude of Aries -- which means time to get back to fighting the fights for what you feel would be for the greater good of this world. From honing your ingenious thinking to combat a disease to enforcing tough love on a wayward pup, which ever is your contribution, believe in it as it will save the world and so it shall be, so says Uranus in Aries.

Full Moon In Gemini

Double-fist It

Congratulations Y'all, we made it to the last full moon of 2013 and it's in Gemini! So, by nature of the moon's duality, double-fist all you can. Yes, under the light of the Full Cold Moon, grab all your options, because just one will never do now.

As for areas to double-fist your way to happiness:
Aries: Gossip/Information.
Taurus: Comfort/Money
Gemini: Control/Victory
Cancer: Escape/Compassion

Leo: Friendship/Ideology
Virgo: Authority/Respect
Libra: Truth/Freedom
Scorpio: Sex/Power

Sagittarius: Peace/Beauty
Capricorn: Convenience/Fulfillment

Aquarius: Romance/Worship
Pisces: Nurturing/Sanctuary

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Mars Enters Libra

Time To Own Up

Mars is now in Libra until July 25, 2014! That is major news in the astro world because Mars, the planet of determination, ego, ambition and passionate-intensity-that-can-often-be-misunderstood-as-bitchery is usually done with each sign in 6 weeks. So, the fact that this masculine and sexual planet is going to lay back in Libra for over 7 months is heavy duty. As in there are going to be no more excuses to getting balance and peace into your life in a more meaningful way. After all, don't we all owe it to ourselves to feel life in the most absolutely pulchritudinous way capable? Of course, so here it goes with Mars in Libra, as in tick-tock...

As for places that will more dramatically feel this cosmic mandate, in terms of where to make changes or look for opportunities, it is as follows: 
(Remember to read your Sun sign and Rising sign (Click there to get your rising sign for free. You will need to know your time of birth.)
Aries: Restructuring your sense of equality with those closest to you, commitments, legal issues.
Taurus: Declaring peace with co-workers, taking back control of your time, maximizing your efforts for love and money.
Gemini: Working your creativity, falling in love for the beauty of it, being justly worshipped.
Cancer: Planting new roots, redefining your sense of security, dealings with family.
Leo: Challenging your brain, being community-minded, expressing yourself.
Virgo: Enjoying what you've earned, indulging your five senses, being self-assured.
Libra: Being a genius, starting a new journey, feeling motivated.
Scorpio: Learning to better balance reality and fantasy, trusting in karma, aiming towards Nirvana.
Sagittarius: Appreciating your truest friendships, helping the future be a better place, making solid connections.
Capricorn: Moving up the ladder of success, setting new standards, enjoying luxury.
Aquarius: Flexing your morality for strength and change, diving into new adventures, discovering new hopes and inspirations.
Pisces: Owning your inner power, practicing unconditional love, getting paid what you are worth and more.

The best holiday-related watch: The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed